Trust

I don't give it easily. I'll be friendly, and I might even really like you. But until you prove yourself trustworthy, there's a definite wall there. It's hard for me to give trust. That's why I have such a difficult time when trust is broken.

I feel like the world's gone crazy. In the past year, I have heard more stories about utter betrayal, deception, and lies than I have ever heard before. With only one exception, these weren't necessarily people that I knew very closely and had a lot of trust in, but there were people who did trust them and were totally blindsided by what came out. With regard to the one exception...it was like a suckerpunch. It honestly was like getting up every day and going to a funeral--except that the only thing that died was the image of the person you thought you knew. It was a person that you should be able to trust above ANY non-family member, and instead, the person was revealed to be...well, I don't know an accurate word to describe it, but there were some pretty scummy, skeezy, and despicable (not to mention illegal) actions.

I've spent the last several months thinking about this a lot. I really want to know--can you see it coming? Does it ever really come out of the blue, or do you notice the signs but make excuse after excuse for the person? It affects how I view the people closest to me--even my husband. My level of trust in people has been shaken to the core from the events of the past few months. I DO trust my husband--implicitly. But now, there will always be this lingering doubt, where there was none before. So many people say, "It will never happen to me. It will never happen to us." Honestly, I say that too...but I've seen enough lately to know that LOTS of people say that, and they probably believed it as wholeheartedly as I do...and yet, here they are. Screwed over by the people they cared about the most. Who am I to say that it really won't happen to us? Sadly, there are no guarantees. I know that my husband is a genuinely kind, sincere, and honest person. I know that we are both committed to marriage for a lifetime, and that we are committed to a healthy, fulfilling marriage....but I suppose that you could call me sadder but wiser. At least now, I've seen enough to realize that each day is a blessing, and not to take anything for granted.