Mood With a Capital M

Watch out, y'all. I feel like I could flatten anything in my path.

I don't know why I'm so aggravated. Maybe it has something to do with being bombarded with questions from 8 am to 3 pm. Nonstop. All. Flippin'. Day. It's days like this that make me feel like motherhood would be doable. If I can remain un-institutionalized after a day like this with 12 kids, I could be okay with one. Right?

Don't tell me I'm wrong.

In all honesty, I think I know what's bothering me. It's the same thing that's bothered me pretty much since I got married and moved away.

I feel like I have no home.

I feel torn. I don't have a complete life anywhere. I am not a fan of where we live now. It's not a good city. However, DH is here, my job is here, and our church is here. All the most important people in my life (besides DH) are NOT here. Sure, I could go home this weekend and go to alumni night with my high school band, and I might have fun....or, I might run into people I don't want to see, or maybe I won't have anyone to talk to. I'll be sad that I'm not here, supporting one of our guys at his varsity football game, because I have a good time. But if I'm up here, I know that as soon as DH leaves for work on Friday night I'll be feeling sad that I'm not home with the rest of my family. I don't want to stay, but I don't completely want to go, either. When I'm here, I feel bad that I'm missing out on life with my niece and nephew. When I'm there, I feel left out of life with the people that I know here. I guess that I could be more positive about things and realize that there are good things about both places (instead of dwelling on the things that both places lack).

Tonight, though, I just feel like I don't really know which way I want to turn.