Depressed and Discouraged

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said that I am still not dilated.

I wanted to cry.

I have never expected the baby to come before August 28th. I pretty much banked on the fact that the baby would be a few days late, and that's okay. That happens with first babies. Plus, I still have some time before my due date, and things can happen between now and then. I know that.

What made me so discouraged was that for the past week, I have been having cramps and pains nearly every day--some intense enough to take my breath away and stop me in my tracks. There was one night that I really thought I might be in the beginning stages of labor, because even though I didn't have any timeable contractions, the pain and discomfort was enough that I couldn't sleep or get comfortable in any position. That's one thing our Lamaze teacher told us to look out for. My doctor knows about these, by the way, and said it's just the baby getting ready for delivery. So, I have been telling myself that this pain is purposeful and productive, and it's getting me closer to labor.

Then, I found out that it had done nothing. That is so frustrating. I told my husband that I TOTALLY see how women are asking for epidurals by 4 or 5 cm dilated--being in that kind of pain and finding out that it's gotten you nowhere REALLY messes with your mental state! I mean, that's the mantra you're constantly told to chant in your lamaze class: "This pain is purposeful. It brings me closer to meeting my baby."

Baloney. =p

He said that he would see me at my regular Tuesday appointment next week (two days overdue), and then would like to see me again on the first (four days overdue and my mom's birthday) to "get things moving." He did not mention induction on that date, so I am thinking he might mean stripping my membranes...but I don't really want to do that. He did say that Baby needs to come out by September 6th at the latest for our safety (8 days overdue...and I understand. The placenta doesn't last forever). I am so discouraged at the thought that now we might have to also pay for induction or other measures to get my labor moving along.

I can accept the fact that I might not be able to go into labor the way I wanted to--as I said from the beginning, I am "planning for nothing and preparing for everything." But again, the most frustrating and discouraging part is that after all the pain and discomfort, I didn't make one bit of progress!

In news that is a tiny bit more encouraging, I am still holding steady at 18 pounds gained, and I have had a couple people remark that the baby has dropped. I can feel it, and hubby noticed it too--he says my belly button (which has been poking out for months now) is looking flatter. I told him it's because the baby has moved farther down and is stretching out a different section of my tummy!