One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Argh.

Yesterday morning, I took half a Zofran, which means I should be good to go til Wednesday. Unfortunately, I took one this morning (a whole pill), and then needed another whole one this afternoon. =( Up to 16 mg in a day again? Why? I took a whole one this morning as a precaution. I knew we were going over to have lunch with some friends, and I didn't want to have any problems. I did pretty well at the lunch--I ate some salad with romaine lettuce and tomatoes, three bites of chicken, and some flatbread, and felt okay afterward.

On our way home, I had some problems. It was very strange--I didn't feel nauseous, exactly, but I felt panicky about riding in the car. As soon as we started on our way, I broke out in a cold sweat. I had to lay down, and that's when I ended up taking the second pill. I didn't think I would make it home. There was a particular point when we were driving on a back road about ten minutes away from our apartment, when we got behind a slooooooow car and had no opportunity to pass. I was FREAKING out. If given half the chance, I could've gotten out of the car and run home faster than that darn car was driving--but I was trying to freak out silently so as not to alarm the hubs, so I didn't say anything. He noticed how quiet I was and asked if I was okay. My response?

"Don't talk to me. I don't want to talk about it." (So nice, right?)
"Do you want to just go home?" (We were supposed to be going to Walmart to order our crib).
"YES. Please, just get me home."
"Honey, are you sure you're okay?"
"DON'T. TALK. TO ME."
Take-away lesson here: It's hard enough to keep your food and your heart rate down without answering silly questions.

You know what? We get home, I set foot out of the car, and I am fine. I feel great. I was just panicking about being in the stupid car for half an hour. (Remember when I told you how the dumbest things can send me over the edge with my anxiety? Yep).

The one "step forward" here is that I've slowly been introducing some new foods into the rotation. Yesterday I had the mister stop by the store and pick up some romaine lettuce (iceburg is still problematic) and lemons. I made a "salad" with the lettuce and some cannellini beans (little bit of protein, yay) with a homemade lemon vinaigrette. Last night, I was actually able to make myself some mashed potatoes. They were out of a box, but still--one of the few times I've touched a stove in the past few months.

I hate acting like such a princess. If I had another child to cook for, I don't know what I would do...but it was still really difficult to make the potatoes (and I used to enjoy making much more challenging things than boxed mashed potatoes). The smell of the chicken broth about did me in, but I stuck it out, and I did it, and I was pretty proud of myself.

That is sad.