Okay, I really don't know where this post is coming from or what prompted me to board this little train of thought in the first place. This isn't really my usual blog fare, so...feel free to skip it if you'd like.
I've mentioned here before that my husband volunteers his time for one of his jobs.
It didn't used to be that way.
Once upon a time, Mr. ABC123 got paid for that job. He didn't get paid much (at all), but still...every little bit counts, right? Anyway, the extra money was a wonderful blessing. We were so excited for May to come, when he would graduate from college. We felt like we'd been inching toward the financial finish line forever--FINALLY, no more buying books every few months, my tuition for my master's program would be fully paid, out of pocket (private school teachers didn't qualify for scholarships--who knew?), and we were going to have extra money. We were thrilled. We had so many plans--we were going to be making some hefty contributions to our savings account, maybe we could take a cooking class or save up for a new car for him, go to a few of my alma mater's football games...finally be able to enjoy time with each other. School free, a bit of money to spare, still childless (and okay with it for the moment)....it was supposed to finally be "our time."
Then, the bottom fell out of our plans. Someone at Mr. ABC123's job made some really devestating choices that affected so many people--several people were more heavily impacted than we were, but we caught quite a bit of the blow as well. Voila--just like that, still a job, but no paycheck to go with it. Our plans? Up in smoke.
It's been months since that happened, and we grieved along with others over the chances that these choices brought. We were sad, we felt betrayed, and yes, even mad--not really for ourselves, but just angry at the situation in general. These days, we don't think about it very much. Everyone involved has come through the experience just fine, and there are a lot of positives that have come out of the situation.
But tonight, I found myself sitting on the couch. I was watching "Down Home with the Neelys" on Food Network, and they were talking about how the particular meal they were making took them back to the days when they were just getting started and all they had was each other....and look how far they've come....blah blah blah....and I was overwhelmed with this blinding anger.
This person who made these choices ROBBED us. They robbed us of our chance to have the freedom that we'd worked so hard for. They stole the excitement we had for this part of our lives. Now, everything has become such a struggle. All these unexpected doctor's visits? We would've been able to pay for them, no problem, if this person hadn't done what they did. They took advantage of our trust. We are honest, hardworking people, and things should NOT be these hard after we worked so hard to prepare for this part of our lives. We put in our time at school. We worked SO HARD. We sacrificed a LOT...all the while working for this time. It was going to be the payoff. It was going to be the reason for all those sleepless nights, all those Ramen noodles, all those hours spent in front of the computer writing papers.
That person stole that all away from us. Now we struggle, and juggle multiple jobs, and count every penny. After all our hard, hard work....here's where we are.
But you know what? I love my husband more than anything in this world, and I really admire the way that he has come through this....and I think that his choice to remain without pay speaks volumes for his character. I even felt a little better after I got so angry, because I think that was part of the grieving process that I hadn't gone through yet--acknowledging and grieving over our losses.
Anyway, I was just feeling burdened by that and I guess I needed to get it in writing. If you've actually read this far, you deserve a little somethin' special. Go treat yourself to a gelato or something. I give you permission. ;)
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