Let's Talk About a Four-Letter Word...

Fear. The TTC/pregnancy/ motherhood universe is RIDDLED with it! Who knew there was SO flippin' much to worry about?

One minute, you're using every form of birth control imaginable and praying to heaven your period shows up every month. One day, a switch flips and you start analyzing CM and obsessing over every cramp and tummy twinge, making bathroom visits by the hour and praying that you won't see the telltale proof that you and the DH have failed once again. If I had known just how hard it is to actually get pregnant, I wouldn't have wasted that $50 a month on birth control, especially when it was already used in conjunction with another form of birth control! I would've started trying a year ago!

I have always, always, always wanted to be a mommy--but I was afraid I'd wimp out when it came to morning sickness and labor. Then, behold--I learned about the miraculous wonders that are Zofran and epidurals, and I thought, "Maybe I CAN do this." (Don't judge--if I have major anxiety, I want to know there are options to help me). Then, you realize all the things that can go wrong while trying to get pregnant, during pregnancy, during labor, and afterward...

I know I sound extremely negative, and I don't mean to be...but it's realistic, right?

My husband keeps telling me that I need to just think positively, and I guess I should. Why worry about something that hasn't happened yet?

But that's just IT---IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET!

I hear these stories about couples who have to try three and four years to get pregnant, even when they're both in...shall we say, working order. Scary stuff. (But then again, what about all those people who get pregnant and aren't even trying)....Who knows. I know that everyone is different, so comparing myself to other women isn't going to get me anywhere. I guess I just want someone to tell me what I want to know....like when I will get my BFP, and if we're healthy, and if I"ll have a lot of morning sickness, and what labor would be like....

et cetera, et cetera.

Bleh.