Betcha thought I gave up on blogging.
Well, I didn't. I've just been enjoying summertime. Then I came home, and apparently everyone and their mother decided to investigate my fertility history, current intentions, and five-year plan.
It's not (quite) that bad...but in the last few days, it does seem like I've had an unusually high number of people asking me when we are having children and why we don't have kids yet. To one of them, I actually said, "Yeah, we'll sit down and talk over my entire reproductive history. It'll be fun."
Don't step in the puddle of sarcasm that dripped on the floor with that comment.
Did that stop the ever-so-quick woman I was talking to? Nope. It's not that she was overly rude (although...she kind of was), it's just that I'm so tired of answering questions about why we're not pregnant. Now, in my opinion (which, I guess is what's important, given that it's my blog. And my uterus.), we haven't waited all that long to have kids. We've been married two and a half years, which isn't that long! In our marriage, there have been many times that we wanted to have a baby, but we knew that the timing wasn't right. The hubs just finished college two months ago, and I just finished graduate school. We knew that it was in the best interest of our family for him to have his college degree so that he can earn a higher salary. I wanted my graduate degree so that if I absolutely HAVE to work after we have a baby, I could teach online or be an adjunct professor. I knew there was very little chance of me being able to be a SAHM if we didn't meet these goals, and that is SO important to me. Plus, I thought that it would be unfair of me to TRY and get pregnant while my husband was still in school, because it would mean that he would be unable to participate in a lot of the "baby" experiences like doctor's appointments, and that is really important to him. I didn't want him to have to choose between a hormonal pregnant woman and an education that would provide a better future for our baby.
But, none of that matters now, because I am not pregnant.
When I find out each month that I'm not pregnant, it gets harder and harder to stay positive. We have not been trying for very long, it's just that we've wanted a baby for so long, but knew that we weren't ready, that it seems as though we've been TTC for much longer than we actually have. I found out today that once again, there's no Baby D on the way. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed, watch LOST, and eat ice cream to my heart's content. I understand that it might be unfair of me to feel that way because there are so many women who have been trying for much longer than we have and may be facing the possibility of never having their own children, and as of right now, I'm not in that boat. It doesn't make my empty arms feel any more full, though. Furthermore, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with those nosy questions.
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